Can we please stop calling 3rd Babies "Wildcards"?

Hi. It is me, your long lost doula friend over at The Maya's Nest.

It's been a good year since my last blog post. Three kids is no joke, plus I still have my doula clients! 

Today as I was looking through some photos of my third birth, it got me thinking about the main thing everybody told me about third babies -
"OH - THIRD BABIES ARE WILDCARDS!"

As in EVERYBODY said this - from Susan in the freezer aisle, to friends and family and even doulas and midwives who really should know better about how to not freak a pregnant person out! What it ended up doing is scaring me. Yes, even though I have all this birth knowledge, constantly being told that this birth was going to be a wildcard made me fearful of what was to come. 

Now, sitting on the other side of the birth and the first year as a parent of three, I want to say this -
THIRD BABIES ARE NOT WILDCARDS. THEY ARE JUST DIFFERENT. Just like my first birth was different to my second birth, my third was just different. 

You hear it all the time right "every pregnancy is different", "every baby is different" so why then, when we talk about the third, do we give it a title that makes it sound negative?

Our language around birth and parenting is so important. These things we say to pregnant people may seem so little, like no big deal, but each time someone says something like "are you sure you aren't carrying twins?" or "ohhh you will definitely NEED the epidural!" or "wow you are so brave to give birth at home," it little by little chips away at the birthing person's confidence and trust in their body, their baby and the process. 

So can we please stop? 

The next time you see a third time birther, don't tell them to get ready for the "wildcard" birth they are about to have. Just remind them that they are strong and capable and powerful enough to handle this unique birth that will unfold however it chooses to.